Well folks this is my first official blog. My goal is to be a Demi-Blog by the New Year. That was a play on words. To learn the meaning of "a play on words" I recommend renting the French film "Ridicule." Pretty much the best French movie ever made besides Braveheart.
But I digress. In an attempt to give form to the all-encompassing amorphous yet spine-tinglingly specific theme of this Blog, I will start at the beginning:
Give it up for the secondary sodas people.
Show of virtual-hands, who here walks into a soul crushing Quickie mart (7-Eleven, AM/PM, Wawa) looking for an assorted soft drink beverage and leaves with a Squirt or a Cactus Cooler in hand?Exactly.You Completely disregard Coke. Dr. Pepper is just another alpha soda consistently grinning a silent "fuck you" to its retarded puppy of a little Brother Mr. Pibb. No, you slide the glass and grab your favorite source of Yellow Number 5.
Lemme guess, and please forgive me if I'm kinda jumpin the gun here but your the kinda person who tends to "think things through" aren't you? You're a proud Democrat but you watch sports. In fact, you accidentally taped over an episode of the Colbert Report to record "Tales of the Gun" on the History Channel. You secretly regret that the Lakers traded Robert Horry cause he just wasn't the "clutch" he used to be. If that's not you then replace the word Democrat with the word "Nihlist" and Sports with the word "Donkey-Porn."
You just love Johnny Cash don't you. Yeah you would. It's easy to love a dead person. You probably bought the nirvana Unplugged you know, so you could understand where "he was coming from." As if "Lake of Fire" = I'm going to buy a shotgun.
It's cool, really, because you're a lot like people I know.Shit, Kurt Cobain loved alternative soft drinks.
Thanks for listening. RSVP your feelings below.-Damian
8 comments:
Aside from a genetic predisposition to spelling errors.....it was funny, witty, and totally charming. Also, good stand up material...Loveya
k......so does that mean you like Cactus Cooler or not?
Where are the photos??? Of You??? And never, EVER again send me any of those chain email things where if I don't pass it on to ninety-nine people in thirty seconds someone close to me will die or some shit. You KNOW I'm superstisious (sp?) and complying with that only makes more people hate me. But other than that, it was nice to hear your voice again via reading your blog, if only (sigh) in my head....
K Dub
I loved it!
Seems like a lot of spelling and punctuation errors for a "college graduate". What was it again...drama? That should explian it. Anyway, don't be a JA and a CSer all your life!
Good read, They don't have Cactus Cooler in Jersey or I would probably pick it up. We're big Birch Beer fans here !
If we're bringing up Cactus Cooler, let's give a virtual 'high five' (or better yet, one of those fist-to-fist things) for the following:
*RC Cola (May they rest in pease)
*Bubble-Up (I saw a news report that you can find them at some place in Highland Park, should you wish to travel there)
*Fanta-Don't you wanta...wanta Fanta? Not really, thank you!
*Squirt-Famous for how well they mix with rum...
*Crush-What planet are YOU on?
And...let's give it up for the 'third world sodas' from the grocery stores trying to get in on the lucrative shelf-space racket:
*Dr. Skipper (WTF?)
*President's Choice (No wonder it's .25 at the vending machines)
And...if you remember Alpha Beta supermarkets (Ralphs bought them out, those monopolistic bastards!), they used to sell 32 ounce jugs for .29 in the 70's. Of course, the next day your stomach lining was looking up the local coroner in the Yellow Pages.
By the way, New Jersey Guy (jim), I don't know from Birch Beer (PLEASE don't tell me it is actually made from birch!??), I like the Quisp Cereal logo. I'm old enough to have eaten it as a child. Tell me, do you remember 'Quake' as well?
'Nuff Said,
George Cummings
i guess I'm a nihlist who likes donkey porn. But at least I ain't no damn repulican! nice prose. maybe you could set up a contest where if we answer the right question you send us a catcus cooler or the like.. eh?
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